You Teach People How To Treat You
This is so true and it took me a while to realise this, many years in fact. It is important to set healthy boundaries.
Very wise words from Dr Phil : “I’m not saying that you’re responsible for another person’s behavior. This is not about blame. But I am saying that you have power over your reactions. So if there is a person in your life who isn’t treating you with the respect and consideration you deserve, you have a couple of decisions to make. Are you willing to accept accountability, and do you really want to make a change? If the answer is yes, then you should ask yourself: “What am I doing to elicit this person’s behavior or to allow it to continue?” Even if you think you aren’t doing a thing, your inaction is speaking for you.”
Learn to speak up
We should not silently resent and not speak up. I have certainly been guilty of this. If we want a different result then we should speak up and make it known if we want a different result. Yes initially it will be difficult to do this but practice makes perfect!
Speak your truth
When we are asked as to what is wrong, do not answer nothing when there is in fact plenty wrong! I have said this many times that there is nothing wrong when in actual fact I have felt most uncomfortable. We have to actually teach that person or persons how to treat us and believe me they will take their cue from there!
Personal boundaries are of importance
Teaching others to respect your personal boundaries is healthy. It does not mean controlling or punishing others but rather are guidelines as to what is acceptable in your life and what is not.
I have for many years thought that always making myself available is a way to win the love and respect of others but it certainly does not work this way.
It will of course take time to differentiate between a genuine request and some taking advantage, therefore we have to learn the difference between being firm and inflexible.
I have had to learn that I am entitled to my own thoughts, opinions and feelings.
It certainly does not come easy to set your boundaries in the workplace or on a personal level. Knowing them and actually setting them are two different things but it can be done.
Setting the above in motion will certainly enhance our self-esteem and self-worth.
Acting assertively takes practice. Know your limits. Remember too that teaching people how to treat us is a process that involves teaching them.
Love and respect yourself first
Look at how others that act with self-confidence and demand respect are treated well. Follow their example. This will not happen overnight, I know, but others will start to treat you differently. Do not allow certain behaviours from others that make you feel uncomfortable.
I love this quote by Anna Taylor :
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
To sum up, good advice from Morgan & Wiseheart:
- Start with yourself
- Talk about your “rules of engagement”
- Communicate your needs clearly and compassionately
- Model how you’d like to be treated
- Reinforce behaviors you like
- Pick a role model to emulate
- Have realistic expectations